Aretha Williams: Parents need to be compassionate and accepting of gay people

Web Posted: 08/01/2005 12:00 AM CDT
San Antonio Express-News

Dear Ms. Williams: I'm writing to thank you for your article about fathers, particularly about the importance of not assuming that one's child is not homosexual.
If parents would let their children know that their homosexual orientation is "OK" with them, what a vastly more humane world this would be. Thank you.
Grateful in Austin

Dear Grateful: You're so right — a compassionate accepting world begins at home. If as a parent you degrade gay people or never have gay friends you could be sending a deadly message to a gay child. "I don't have to worry about that because my kid's not gay," some would say. The trick here is that your child may never come out to you if he/she knows you won't be accepting.
For those parents who already know their child is gay, here is a helpful excerpt from an article dealing with the social pressures and warning signs associated with gay teens. From S. Kay Murphy at www.suite101.com/article.cfm/raising_gay_child/70698.
"Gay students may want to attend events such as football games (which are just as much social events as they are athletic), but again, they would have to interact with other teens as if they are heterosexual, constantly wary of every word, every gesture, every mannerism lest anyone even suspect they are gay. Although most teachers pretend not to see gay bashing, homophobic students at least have some constraints on them within the regular school environment. But those constraints are lifted at extracurricular events such as football games, and a gay student could very well be in danger if he or she is not careful.
"This is indeed a tough world to live in right now.
"That need to 'pretend' and dissemble in public is what makes gay teens feel 'really, really alone.' And isolation of that intensity for any teen, gay or straight, can be dangerous. Individuals who feel pain and also feel that no one understands their pain can be driven to taking desperate measures. Suicide is the third highest cause of death among teenagers. Undoubtedly, many teen suicides are committed by gays who felt they had no hope of ever living a normal, happy life.
"If you are raising a gay teen, it is imperative that you watch carefully for signs of depression or despondency, or any kind of messages, no matter how slight, that suggest hopelessness. If your teen begins to spend an inordinate amount of time separate from the family, locked away in his room, imposing further isolation on himself, bring him out. He may resist; we all recognize that teens generally only like to spend time with their own kind. But making contact, staying connected, can be critical at this point in his life."
It's crucial to know when you're in over your head and need professional help. Just be sure a therapist is friendly toward gay people and has worked with gay teens before. Avoid any programs that seek to change your child's orientation. This may only add to your teen's sense of hopelessness and rejection.

This is why teen suicide is so high. It's not easy being different in the first place and being different and gay under this religidiot's control of the country is even worse.
It's not that we are raised gay because I wasn't. It's not that we have real control over who we love anymore then any other person. To be happy, healthy, people we need to be ourselves and that means to have our partner, who ever they may be. Our "first loves" and every thing any other young person goes through. Human beings are human beings, like it or not we bleed the same, we learn the same, we love the same. It's time for us to be individuals again and quit letting everyone else speak for us. I know I am!